Alone

Nick and I took turns spending time alone over the past couple weeks. First I had an AMAZING weekend in NYC with my baby sister and my mom. I was super jealous of Maribeth's glamorous life, except my cheap Midwestern heart had continual attacks over how expensive everything is. Anyway, it was a blast.

In less exciting but just as gone news, Nick was in SLC the following weekend for work/work. Meaning he had business meetings but went first for a couple days to check on our house there and do some repairs. He did get to catch up with some old friends and eat Cafe Rio. It wasn't ALL the suffering.

As a consequence of these little trips, I've been thinking a little about what it means to be alone. And lonely.  I have come to two conclusions: 1. I am an introvert, but I don't like to be alone. I want to be alone together. Also, I like to talk. and 2. Solo parenting is clearly not how life is meant to be, and major hugs and kudos to those who find themselves walking that path.

Speaking of being alone. Gage came downstairs last night because he'd been having nightmares. The boys are listening to audiobooks a lot lately (YAY! No, seriously--YAY!) and they had just started The Secret Garden. If you're not familiar with it, the beginning is a bit rough, with parents and nannies and everyone dying of cholera and poor little Mary Lennox being left alone. They'd listened to the first couple Harry Potter's and I remember listening to my dad reading me Secret Garden and so I didn't anticipate this problem. Anyway, it took a long time to ferret out what the root of his nightmare was. This is kind of how the conversation went:

Me: So what is it, exactly, that you're afraid of?
Gage: (long pause) Well, I am afraid that you and Dad and everyone are going to leave and me and Reid will be all alone.

That's right. In his worst imaginings, in the nightmare of isolation that keeps him up at night, Reid is still there.

Man, I love that kid. He is just so tender. Admit it, your heart kind of filled up and broke a little, didn't it? Because I can't promise that they won't ever be separated by time, circumstance or tragedy. And I was grateful to be able to bear my testimony that no matter what happens, they will always be brothers and our family will be together in the end.

(And on that note, happy Father's Day. I sure love my dad. And my kid's dad. And the legacy of great Dads I come from. So many blessings.)