(btw, there are at least four urgent tasks I need to do right now, at least two on the computer, but I choose to blog. Maybe I should reevaluate my decision-making paradigm?)
I was thinking the other day about what it takes to get offended. I know people (I'm not talking about you) who get offended all the time. I'm hoping this isn't me. It seems to take a lot of energy, to assume people mean the worst or to take everything personally. Still, sometimes things do get under my skin. There are lots of good quotes about how to deal with these types of feelings (don't hunt down the rattlesnake that just bit you...) but when my feelings are really hurt, or I'm angry or whatever, I find it difficult to just let it go. I have a ritual: gossip, complain, and whine. After some time spent in these three steps, I can usually let it go. But, maybe I've caused more harm? And, I'm not sure I've totally forgotten. Let's be honest, most people who annoy us are repeat offenders. When they again do something that gets to me, it is often much worse because of the earlier infraction.
To sum up: I'm totally falling short of perfection (in this area...let's not extrapolate this) and I need to improve. I don't want to be the sort of person who never actually changes or manages to overcome my weaknesses. We all know them. People who were petty as teenagers and are petty as adults. People who can't learn from past relationships and mistakes. People who sabotage themselves over and over (hmm, while I'm at it, maybe I should work at not seeing the worst in others?)
I guess the title of this post should've been: this isn't related to something that happened between me and you, so don't assume I'm angry/and or offended by you. I'm honestly not. I've just been thinking about it lately.
How do you deal with this? How do you manage to be unoffended when people are offensive?
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3 comments:
Eat chocolate. duh.
I'm with you on this though process - and I have no idea! I deal with this often with my brother-in-laws in particular - and I do the complain and whine stages like you described and what I have found is even if I get over things, Brian does not! He can't get over some major things that happened to us a long time ago that I used to complain and complain and cry and ache over. I have moved on and and trying to forget (though it is hard at times, especially when the same instances come up) but Brian can't get over these things. So I have been trying to not complain and whine so much to Brian, but then I am holding everything in and that is definitely not the best option out there!
I have trouble in the other direction as well, I am constantly worried that i have offended people or that they don't like something about me that will cause them to whine and complain about me and it makes me very guarded.
So, once again, I have no idea what to do about this dilema! (two m's?)
I think about this a lot.
One of my friends just took me off her blog list and erased all my comments. Weird that I noticed, but it was obviously deliberate.
Can you tell I am in the whine about it stage :)?
Thing is, I must have offended her and I really wish she would have just said something to me. I reached out to her and she ignored it and deleted it.
I have been thinking about it for a couple of days. I hope it just goes away.
Karl reminds me sometimes that I need to laugh at people less and not mention some things that are "taboo." Apparently, I am more of an offender than I am an offendee :).
I think age helps, I think the older I get, the more I realize that people don't really have time to try and offend me anymore.
I wish there was a magic solution to take this feeling away.
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